On January 3rd, 2012, Kenneth and I found ourselves with a day off together, which rarely happened. So we decided to take advantage of the situation and go spend a day together. We went to Petsmart and got new collars and tags for the dogs (and some cheap holiday clearance toys), went to wal-mart for sweatshirts. We ate at Firehouse Subs for the first time and went to two different Targets to buy games for our new Nintendo Wii. We had a really nice morning and I was eager to get home and take down our Christmas decorations.
When I walked into my apartment, however, something was wrong. My dogs didn't immediately come attack me with love like the usually did. Sebastian was sitting on the couch looking confused and sad and Emma was nowhere in sight. I called for her, put my bags down and went to the window to start taking down decorations. I saw her under the Christmas tree with a bag stuck on her head. I panicked and tried to run out the front door. I came back right away and Kenneth checked to see if she was breathing. She wasn't. I picked up Sebastian and went to the bedroom while Kenneth cleaned up, wrapped Emma in a blanket and called my dad. I was completely distraught. Emma was like a child to me. I picked her from the litter, raised her from a puppy and had become completely attached to her. She followed me everywhere I went, she even curled around my feet when I went to the bathroom. It was a really difficult adjustment living without her. It greatly affected my relationship with my other dog and my boyfriend.
But after a while, the emptiness I felt without her started to go away. I got really busy with work and decided to really focus on my impending move to NYC. I was really making plans. Kenneth and I bought our plane tickets for our visit in the summer and we started to choose what we were going to sell and what we were going to keep. We opened a joint bank account and started throwing money into our savings.
Kenneth's beautiful grandmother passed away early in 2012 as well. It came as a shock to most everyone because she had endured so much. She survived lung cancer and a host of other health problems. She was a well-loved woman and it was very sad to lose her. The family decided to wait to have the funeral in the late spring/early summer so that everyone in the family could go.
I quit my job at Target and started working for ARCA and Campfire USA. I was working seven days a week, I never had a break. Every weekday I worked split shifts for Campfire and every weekend I worked 24 hours for ARCA. I was making a lot of money, but I never had time for my friends, family or my boyfriend. I still found time for voice lessons though!
And as everyone knows, after Kenneth's grandmother's funeral, Kenneth and I broke up. (see previous post)
And as everyone knows, after Kenneth and I broke up, I was in Jesus Christ Superstar.
Jesus Christ Superstar was an important show for me. I made a lot of new friends and learned a lot about myself as a performer and a person. One person in particular turned into one of my best friends...and I never would have expected it. Getting so close to him right before I moved turned out to be incredibly difficult. I was ready to say "goodbye for now" to everyone else, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. I think one of the most difficult parts of moving for me has been not being able to actively be a part of his life as much as I was when I was back home. But it gets easier every day. It has to.
And I moved to New York City. My only goal for this year was to move here and I did it. A small part of me wishes that I had waited until now to move. I missed Christmas with my family. I learned the hard way that I NEVER want to do that again. And I could have had some more time with my friends. But I am super proud that I actually went through with it. I didn't expect to be this scared, or this homesick. I've been here for a little more than three weeks, I start a job at the Harlem YMCA on the 7th and I've had interviews for other jobs. I've spent time with fellow New Mexico transplants, explored the city a little and seen some shows. I met a guy (too soon to tell at this point, but at least I've made a new friend) who is unlike anyone else I know... so I can only guess what my life will be like this time next year.
Right now, my heart is still in New Mexico. I have decided to give myself a year in New York, and I will re-evaluate next December. I know that a lot is going to change between now and then- I mean look how much my life changed THIS year! But right now, if my heart is still in Albuquerque by next December, then I'm going to come home. But I need to give New York a real shot. I need to go out and meet people and start working and going to auditions. Because that's why I came here. And in a year, if I feel like I gave it a shot and I still want to come home, then I will come home with my head held high and I will still be proud of myself.
So, while a ton of bad stuff happened... it wasn't a total disaster. It certainly wasn't the end of the world. I know that a ton of major life changes happened for me, and I will forever remember 2012. I thought that I would end the year with joy and a "good riddance", but ultimately, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the things I accomplished. I am proud of my friendships and relationships and the decisions I made for myself. I look forward to whatever 2013 has to offer!
I'm ending this blog with a quote. I usually like to quote people I admire, in this case I'm quoting someone I don't have an opinion about, but I really just liked the quote haha. Enjoy, be safe tonight and I'll post again soon.
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